How to eat Pizza Rolls.

"mkbruin, Atlas VP" (mkbruin) 03/12/2014 at 12:34 • Filed to: None

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12

In just a few simple steps.

1) Zap them till the sauce is escaping like molten lava.
2) Pop the first one into your mouth and chomp down.
3) Shriek like a schoolgirl and cuss like a sailor as the molten lava scorches every square micrometer of your mouth.
4) Now that you can't taste anything, you can actually enjoy eating the rest of the pizza rolls.

Mattbob > mkbruin, Atlas VP 03/12/2014 at 12:36

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every time.

ttyymmnn > mkbruin, Atlas VP 03/12/2014 at 12:37

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I used to destroy a large bag of those in one sitting. And yes, the hardest part is trying not to eat one until it's cool enough not to cauterize all your taste buds. I find the toaster oven to be the optimal cooking method, though it does take much longer.

CalzoneGolem > mkbruin, Atlas VP 03/12/2014 at 12:37

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1) Throw them away and find some real food for Christ's sake! you're not 7!

FTFY!

vdub_nut: scooter snob > Mattbob 03/12/2014 at 12:38

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Liek dis if u cri evertim

Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole > mkbruin, Atlas VP 03/12/2014 at 12:39

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MonkeePuzzle > mkbruin, Atlas VP 03/12/2014 at 12:41

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5) become progressively sadder and sadder as each pizza roll is colder and less tasty than the last and you eventually realize you've made a bad bad decision

6) time passes, you forget the mistake

7) rinse

8) repeat

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > mkbruin, Atlas VP 03/12/2014 at 12:41

3

1. Don't put a shirt on

2. Nuke the shit out of them

3. Bite into the first tiny little sun.

4. Scream as not only your mouth is melting, but the rest of the lava has shot out the back and on to your bare chest and is eating through your sternum.

5. Eat the rest, which are now lukewarm, with your bleeding mouth and not savor any of the flavor as you have no tongue.

Mattbob > vdub_nut: scooter snob 03/12/2014 at 12:53

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click here for one weird tip to not burn your mouth on pizza rolls.

anonsagainstanonymous > Mattbob 03/12/2014 at 13:00

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+1

ttyymmnn > Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole 03/12/2014 at 13:24

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Where to begin? First of all, who video tapes such a thing? I guess it was a challenge, so there is that. Secondly, it's obvious that this guy has been training intensely for quite some time. But I suppose everybody wants to be good at something. Thirdly, who the hell drinks Smirnoff Ice? Has this guy ever Googled "Type 2 Diabetes"? So many questions.

Thanks for posting. I think.

Jayhawk Jake > mkbruin, Atlas VP 03/12/2014 at 13:35

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You forgot the step where you pick it up, realize it's very hot, then immediately put it in your mouth because for some reason that is a good idea.

Mattbob > Dukie - Jalopnik Emergency Management Asshole 03/12/2014 at 14:36

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This makes me ashamed to be a human.